First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
