i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Randomize
