Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
