What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
