we have officially mastered the walk of shame
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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