I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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