We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
