he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
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