before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
