He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
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Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
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I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
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