Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize