Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
