he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
