I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
