You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
