I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
so much tequila, so little girl.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
