Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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