Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
