hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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