hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
