I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
you made out with another girl for some wings
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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