He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Randomize
