i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
