Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
