had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
