His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
