There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
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