Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
