he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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