while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Randomize
