The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
