you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Randomize
