Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
