Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
