My friends, they love my intelligence
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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