i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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