i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
where am i from again
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Can I color on your dick again?
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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