Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
