You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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