Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
