I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
