When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
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