dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
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