There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
