Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Randomize
