Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
