I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
