She even gives head with a lisp.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
