Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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