Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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