Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
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