Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I'm getting married
To pizza
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Randomize
