"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Enjoy the penises
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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