You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
