I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
