My hand turned me down
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
the condom got lost in my hair
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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