we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
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