So drunk, too bad you don't want this
someone get that fucking seahorse.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
