rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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