Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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