Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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