Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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