I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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