I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
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