I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
