This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
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