I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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