the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Randomize