just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
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