I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
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then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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