WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
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