I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
