In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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